Although the typical nuisances of this period persist, such as frequent urination, fatigue, nauseas or sensibility of the breast, they are not as bothersome and at the end of this month, most likely, they will have disappeared. Your body is changing quickly to properly host the baby. In the meantime, he floats peacefully in an aquatic, dark, warm and peaceful environment. Emotionally you feel better. The confusion of initial feelings begins to vanish and the idea of becoming a mother begins to consolidate in you.

Diet:

Slowly the contour of the waist increases and it is possible that you have added some weight if the nauseas have not affected your appetite. Although it will be a comment that you will hear often, it is not true that you should eat for two. The baby won't take a portion similar to yours; a daily increase of 300 calories is enough. You should increase the quality of your diet. Not the quantity.

In the medical check ups they will control, among other many factors, the levels of iron, folic acid and calcium in your body. It is normal that they prescribe some supplement, besides recommending a balanced diet that contains foods rich in these substances.

It is very common that women have some anemia, even before the pregnancy, provoked by the losses of blood during the menstruation. For this reason, the ideal thing would be to reinforce the body before getting pregnant.

The physiologic anemia is normal during the pregnancy and it should not be a concern unless the concentration of hemoglobin goes below 10 g / dl. It is considered anemia when the red globules of the blood that contain the hemoglobin, diminish. These globules are responsible for taking oxygen to all the cells of the body. During the pregnancy the volume of the blood of the woman increases between 1 and 2 liters , but the red globules don't increase in the same proportion.

Anemia doesn't cause any malnutrition problems in the baby, only when it is a strong case, there could be the risk of a premature childbirth or that the baby has a low weight when he is born.

Quite possibly, your doctor will prescribe an iron supplement. In any case, see him if you feel weak, you get a little dizzy, you have throbs, you are very pale or any effort makes you lose your breath.

As we have said, the anemia is produced by iron deficit, and this is due, mainly, to an incomplete diet. Iron, folic acid and vitamin B 12 are important for the formation of red globules, and vitamin C in an indirect way because it facilitates the absorption of iron. Your body can not manufacture iron, so you should provide it by eating certain foods.

Whims

Almost 70% of the pregnant women have some type of whim at any time during the pregnancy, but mainly in the first and third trimester. We call whim the sudden desire of taking a certain food, although there could be an aversion towards others. According to some studies, the most habitual desires are for candies, mainly chocolates, also fruit, ice creams and fried potatoes. The most frequent rejections are to coffee, alcohol, eggs and some meats. What is true is that the whims and the rejections vary much from woman to woman.

In most cases, the whims can be a sign that the diet lacks some concrete nutrient. Those about chocolate could be due to a lack of copper or magnesium; those that are related to sour flavors have to do with mineral lacks, etc. According to the specialists, each organ of our body needs a type of nutrients for its correct operation, and those nutrients are related with different likes. For example, the heart and the small intestine associate with bitter tastes, the liver and the vesicle with acid tastes, the stomach and the pancreas with candy, the kidney and the bladder with the salty flavors, the lungs and the large intestine with spicy tastes, etc.

We should not confuse whims with the change in the diet likes. This change can be motivated by the increase of the hormonal levels that alters the chemical content of the blood and, its reflection in saliva, modifies the likes that the tongue perceives. It also influences the smell sensibility, nauseas, reflux, etc.

If the baby had a birthmark, it would be due to the pigmentation of that area of the skin or the dilatation of the blood vessels, but it would not be related to having had whims during the pregnancy.

You can give in to the temptation of the whims, but with moderation and without altering the balance of the diet that you should follow during the pregnancy. Throughout the first trimester the diet should contain mainly carbohydrates, if you feel a longing for pasta, cookies, bread, dry nuts, etc., take them with moderation. During the second trimester your organism needs, among other nourishment, iron and proteins, for that reason it is possible that the whims have to do with eggs, fish, meat, etc. In the third trimester the need for calcium can provoke whims of milk products or vegetables. In this last phase, if you don't tolerate milk, you can take another type of foods such as nuts, dry figs, almonds, hazelnuts, apricots, cheese, curd, custards, etc.

Amoment of reflection

Now that your sensibility is "at skin level", it can also be an ideal moment to reflect on yourself. You have ended up being you thanks to, or despite of, the experiences that you have lived since you were born until today. To understand the daily circumstances and the influences that you have received will help you to know yourself better so that you can maintain a more fluid communication with your inner being. These reflections can provide an immediate personal benefit and they will help you to clarify the future affective setting that you want for your baby.

ACTIVITIES FOR THE 3RD MONTH

RELAXATION AND HARMONIZATION MUSICAL SESSION WRITING IN THE EMOTIONS NOTEBOOK PORTION OF LOVE

TO FEEL BETTER BREATHING EXERCISES LIGHT GYMNASTICS

During this month you should continue with the activities proposed up to now:

RELAXATION AND HARMONIZATION

 Daily, at the end of the day or in the moments of special fatigue, continue with the exercise described for the first month.

MUSICAL SESSION

Whenever you want it, listen as a minimum to the recorded music, at least a couple of times a week. Enjoy the melodies and observe the emotions that the vibrations of the sounds provoke in you. Listen to background music for any daily activity.

PORTION OF LOVE 

This month, besides choosing a weekly statement for your personal improvement, it can be a good moment to tell to your baby how much you love him. Choose another weekly statement for your baby: “we love you a lot", "I like to feel how you grow inside of me", “you are a happy baby”, "and your body is perfect", etc. When you build the sentence that better expresses what you want to tell him, repeat it mentally several times or whenever you want to transmit your love to the baby that you hold inside.

WRITING IN THE EMOTIONS NOTEBOOK

Everyday try to describe your feelings, the emotional conflicts that you have lived throughout the day and the reasons that have provoked them. Write also on the circumstances that have generated your uncontrollable enthusiasm and happiness. When you remember your dreams, work on understanding them. When you feel blocked, use the techniques described to write with your right hemisphere.

TO FEEL BETTER

Self neck massage, shoulder and superior extremities.

• Place the right hand on the left side of the neck. Little by little, kneads with circular movements of the fingertips the muscles that go from the neck to the left shoulder. Press lightly but firmly. Continue with the same motions from the shoulder, going down on the arm and the forearm, until you reach the left wrist. Once on the wrist, return the same way, going up the forearm, the arm and the shoulder, until reaching the nape. At that moment change hands, placing the left hand on the right side of the neck and carry out the same kneading on the right extremity.

• Place each hand on the shoulder of its same side. Press softly on the area that the hands are holding. At the same time that you massage the area, make soft rotations of the neck while you inspire and exhale rhythmically.

BREATHING EXERCISES

As we explained in the program for the first month, the exercises of breathing reeducation should be done daily during the whole pregnancy. If you have been doing them until now, it won't be a special effort to incorporate them to any daily activity and, mainly, to the rest of activities of this program.

 

LIGHT GYMNASTICS

Watch your posture at all times, it is indispensable to diminish the physical effort during the whole pregnancy. Before exercising and at any time during the day, reviews the first two movements of the session of stretching that you have followed throughout the previous month, they are the key to maintaining a correct posture.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, the uterus is protected by the pelvis, but progressively it goes up to the abdomen. When this happens, your posture begins to change. The baby's weight leans the pelvis forward and when growing, the muscles of the abdomen stretch out, this provokes a tendency to compensate the increase of the front weight by leaning backwards. This posture change can exert pressure on the low part of the column and cause you nuisances in the back.

Another factor is the increase of weight of the breasts that could provoke the inclination forward of the top part of the back, arching the shoulders and sinking the breasts. This incorrect posture increases the tension in the top part of the back and it hinders breathing as it limits the capacity of the thoracic box.

The nuisances in the back will be accentuated in the last trimester of the pregnancy, but it is very important that you strengthen the muscles of this area from the beginning so that your body can tolerate the increase of weight that accumulates in the front side.

Gymnastics session

To strengthen the abdominal muscles and the muscles of the top part of the back, alleviate the nuisances of the low part; stretch the flexing muscles of the hip and the buttocks and to lengthen the pectorals.

• Do the warm up exercises outlined in the session of the previous month, repeating more times the movements of the areas indicated.

• Lie down face up with the legs bent on the knees and the feet a little apart with the soles firmly on the floor. With the back leaning on the floor all the time, lift the pubis softly, contracting the abdominal muscles, feel how the coccyx touches the floor and breathe rhythmically. Keep this posture 6 or 8 seconds, then, relax the muscles and repeat the exercise. Two series of 10 repetitions are enough in each session.

• In the same position, places the hands on the thighs, lean the pelvis, tense the abdominal muscles and, while you expel the air, lift a little and softly the head and the shoulders, while you move the hands towards the knees. Return to the original position inspiring through the nose. This is only advisable to carry out movements during the first trimester. If you notice any annoyance, suppress the exercise.

• In the same position, tense the abdominal muscles and slowly lift a leg with the knee bent. When you notice tension in the back part of the thigh, hold it with your hands and stretch the leg slowly. If you notice tremors in the leg, lower it and begin again more slowly. Keep the leg stretched for 6 or 8 seconds, lower it slowly and repeat the exercise with the other leg. Do 3 or 4 repetitions with each leg and increase the number in the following sessions.

• Place yourself on the floor in a crawling position, with the shoulders, neck and head aligned with your back. Take air in trough the nose swelling the abdomen towards the floor. Expel the air while you contract the abdominal muscles towards the column. Repeat 10 times the movement and relaxes the muscles afterwards.

• In the same position, arch the back up, with the abdominal muscles tense, the pelvis bowed to take to the baby towards the column and the head curved towards the front. Keep the position for a few seconds breathing rhythmically and later straighten the back gently until it is aligned with the neck. Do two series of 6 or 8 movements.

• Sitting with the back straight, tense the abdominal muscles, elevating the baby and expelling the air through the mouth. Keep the position for a few seconds and relax gently while you take air through the nose.

• Standing in front of a wall, with the feet apart. Lean towards the wall with the hands at the height of the shoulders. Stretch the right leg back maintaining it straight and touching the floor with the tip of the foot. Push the trunk towards the wall, with the hips parallel, press the buttocks and stretch the right leg back elevating it a little. Lower the leg until it touches the floor and lift again supporting yourself on the left hip. Repeat the movement 8 times and another 8 with the left leg.

• Lie down on the right side with the arm of that side stretched out and the head supported on it and the leg of the same side bent backwards. With the left leg straight in the air, rotate it towards the front with the toes pointing to the floor. Place your left hand on the floor and lift the left leg little by little, lower it slowly and raise it up again. Repeat the movement 8 times with each leg. Try to contract the abdominal muscles and to lean the pelvis so as to not arch the back.

• Sit down on the floor with the neck, the back and the chest straight, place the hands on the buttocks and tighten the abdominal muscles. Toss the shoulders back and try to join the scapulas while taking air through the nose. Keep the posture and the air some seconds and return to the original position expelling the air through the mouth.

• Standing, with the legs apart and the back straight or sitting in a chair with the back straight. Let the arms fall to both sides with a small weight in each hand, with the palms turned toward the body. Elevate the shoulders taking them toward the ears and keep the posture for some seconds. Lower the shoulders. Repeat 8 or 10 times the movement, with rhythmic breathing and the abdominal muscles tense.

• Standing, with the legs apart and the arms to both sides of the body. Toss the shoulders back bringing the scapulas near each other. While you maintain the posture some seconds, make sure that the back is straight, the shoulders down and the abdominal muscles tense.

 

REFLECTIONS

This month we want that you focus on yourself, on your emotional stability, because your baby's happy development will depend on it.

You will go on a journey towards your childhood, trying to analyze the aspects of the family life that have marked your way of feeling, of relating and of seeing the world. We will offer you information about the family influences; they will help you to meditate about your experiences and to acquire knowledge to outline the education of the baby after the birth.

It is possible that after a first reading you may want to involve your couple, don't hesitate, do it. A reflection about some of the described aspects some time later can help you to improve the quality of your relationship and to create a climate of security and trust to provide the best atmosphere of family love for the baby.

The family of origin.

The experiences of living as a family in which we are born and we grow leave such an enormous imprint that their consequences accompany us during a lifetime. The image that we acquire of ourselves, the way we relate with other people or our form of facing the world are all shaped in the family environment.

Sooner or later almost all of us become physically independent from our family but it is not easy to do so emotionally. A proof of this is that many of us spend our lives repeating the family pattern or reacting against it.

To feel that we own our life, it is indispensable to face some questions from the past in the family environment that were left unsolved. We need to find the way to maintain a close affective bond with our family, but maintaining our emotional independence.

As all environment of coexistence, the family has rules that are usually set by the parents. They also define the expectations on the behavior of the members of the group in different contexts and circumstances, and the consequences of their acts.

Through the daily experience, the boy or girl learns the explicit rules because the parents or oldest siblings recognize and communicate them openly, and she clearly knows what is expected from her behavior. However, in all the families there are tacit rules that the child only understands through experience but that they are not openly recognized, and even in many cases they may be denied. Most of these rules deny the right to have certain feelings and emotions such as being furious, feeling fear, sadness or jealousies, to discuss to defend an idea or position or to relate through conflict or discussion, etc. Besides the anxiety that the child feels about the consequences of infringing a tacit rule, there is also guilt for the own feelings and emotions, besides the need to hide them

The anxiety that supposes the fear and guilt is corrosive and paralyzing feelings, for that reason the child is able to behave as the parents expect to avoid them, although this may provoke other self-destructive feelings.

Parents learn how to control their child's behavior through these feelings and they threaten to deprive him of their affection or provoke in him the fear of being abandoned. This type of action is much more effective than the physical punishment or the privation of benefits, privileges or material goods. The fear to be abandoned or that the parents stop loving him provokes in him such an anxiety that he changes his behavior to avoid feeling it.

It is also habitual that the children feel responsible for the anger and the anxiety of the parents, although at times they have not caused it. Through these painful experiences we learn how to respect rules that nobody has explained to us and which no one ever speaks but we also learn that it is chancy to be "oneself" and to feel guilty for our feelings and emotions.

The family is much more than the sum of its members. Each one develops his own personality in relation and as an answer to the other personalities that, in turn, develop and modify as an answer to his. Any change or problem affects all the members and requires a process of mutual adaptation to reestablish the balance. On the way of adapting or re-balancing of each one of the members will depend not only the balance of the group, but also the general well-being of the family. 
We all need the vicinity of people who are dear to us, but also certain distancing to maintain freedom, independence and autonomy. Since we are born, and throughout our life, we maintain a fight between our needs for vicinity and distances with the loved ones. When we decide to unite our life to another person to form a family, we usually choose somebody with needs of vicinity and distance similar to ours. However, those needs change and the members of the couple take turns in the roles of "prosecutor" when looking for more vicinity and of being "pursued" when seeking for more independence. Both assume the two attitudes in different situations, supplementing the balance.

Think that, when the members of a couple begin to have serious conflicts because of their needs of union or distance, and none of them recognizes the need to maintain the level of tolerance, it is possible that the lack of balance ends up distancing the affective bond.If you have already identified your more habitual role, try to behave in the opposite way for some days, even in a more intense way than your couple. Observe his reactions and the changes that take place in both. Do the same thing with your father, your mother, or some other member of your family of origin with whom you have always maintained a fixed pattern of behavior. 

What changes do you observe in you and in the other person?We create the fantasy that in some place we will find the ideal partner that fills all our desires of love, acceptance and security. We yearn to obtain from that person what our parents didn't offer us. When we choose a couple, we have a tendency to believe that this person is all that we want in a loved one, or that we will be able to make him change. The expectations are more intense when the sensation of privation of some type in the childhood was deeper.When we realize that the reality is very different, we feel frustration and deception, followed by a search to try to obtain what we want from the other person, vicinity or distance. 

The methods can be diverse, from praise to criticism, and in extreme cases, moral pressures or, even, physical aggressions.In a relationship, too much union can be as destructive as too much separation. A sentimental union doesn't mean giving up one's own individuality, but learning how to be united, receptive and respectful being a separate individual and accepting the individuality separated from the couple.

Possibly you accepted your couple believing that he was similar to you and that both wanted the same things in life. Surely, by this time, you have already realized that it is not this way. This is normal; there are no relationships with permanent harmony. The only thing that can create conflicts is the way of handling differences in the couple and the anxiety that those differences can provoke in you.

We develop our form of reacting before conflicts and differences, in our family of origin.

The differences between the members of a family are natural, and if their coexistence is healthy, they are tolerated without difficulties. When the members of the family acquire a good level of self-esteem and self confidence, the differences are positive and they can transform into occasions to strengthen each one's personality. In the cases where this doesn't happen, people feel anxiety about the differences in the relationship and they try to change the other ones. To this attempt to change, people react basically in one of these ways:

Obedience. Faced with the demand of uniformity, this type of people act as if differences didn't exist. They avoid the conflict; they don't even want to thoroughly know the values, thoughts and feelings of the other one regarding some issues.

People who adopt behaviors of obedience usually create feelings of blame towards the others. They have a tendency to do everything for their children in an excessive dedication making them into adults who have with difficulties to assume responsibilities.

They are also people that "become sick" physically or emotionally. Frequently they feel head or back aches, light depressions, heart affections, etc., as a way of avoiding having to face the differences

Rebelliousness. In fact, people that adopt this posture before conflicts and differences pretend to want independence but they don't know how to handle it. They remain near, but rebelling towards the others. They are so concerned about opposing the objectives of the others that they are not able to establish their own. If there is the role of a rebel it is because there is another person that assumes the authority and, usually, he hurries to repair the damages and to take responsibility for the rebel's acts, so that he rarely suffers the consequences of his acts.

When these people reach adulthood and they start a sentimental relationship, they usually find somebody that exerts the authority to continue developing the same pattern. Frequently, the rebel is usually the second of the children of the same sex and he tends to ally with an older brother or sister.

Attack. They confront the anxiety produced by the differences by accusing others and they try to make him change by any means. When two people with these characteristics get together, any topic can provoke a battle where both begin a power fight with the conviction that the other one has to change before him. In the end, the attacking person has low self-esteem and, unless she begins to take the responsibility for her own feelings, the anxiety will not diminish before the differences.

Folding back. This attitude is adopted by people that don't have other means to face the conflicts and they fold back, physically or emotionally. In general, they feel impotence and they are unable to be themselves when they are with a person that they consider has "the power." They pretend to be independent but in fact their own insecurity takes them to maintain an emotional distance. In these cases, the emotional cut is directly proportional to the unsolved affective attachment in the family of origin. In the coexistence with a person that folds back, the couple thinks that it is the other one who has "the power" and she doesn't find the way to show herself just as she is.

We always think that when we are living independently from the family we will be free of the influence they exert on us, however, the problems don't really end and they continue to be present in the new family that we form.

Changing our attitudes towards problems is extremely difficult because we learned to develop them since childhood. If these attitudes make you feel bad, you should change them. It is not true that you face conflicts in a specific manner because it is part of your genetic heritage, and your baby is not going to receive this type of heritage through the genes but through the experiences he lives in your family.

BE YOURSELF

It is possible that you spend your time reacting towards the others: your couple's comments, your mother's criticism, the opinions of your co-workers, the judgments of your friends, etc., and this makes you leave aside your own objectives.

You can be united to other people affectively without allowing yourself to be led by their opinions, their evaluations or their desires. That is the only way of maintaining your emotional balance.

Being yourself entails knowing what you want for you and making efforts every day to get it. To achieve this it is necessary that you do and say what you think and want without fearing if the others approve it or not. Accept the differences with the others without feeling attacked when they try to make you change. Be flexible and open to the possibility of changing your posture if you consider it positive.

DEFINE YOUR OBJECTIVES AND VALUES

Identify and clarify your own scale of values, decide what is a high priority and truly important for you. Be coherent with those values in any area of your life, personal, family or professional. You can express your ideas, even if they are different to those of people with whom you are related affectively, without that meaning an attack.

Identify and be faithful to your values and objectives and express your feelings. It is not necessary to say all that you think at all times, be sensitive to the feelings of the others and try not to hurt them.

Your personal value and your self-esteem should depend exclusively on you and not on the opinions of the others.

At this time of your life you are hypersensitive and you may believe that you perceive signs of disapproval or rejection that don't exist. Focus on yourself and cut off your dependence on the approval of the others.

This advice does not refer to capricious selfishness nor does it suppose an alibi to do as you please without keeping in mind the people around you.

BEING IN CONTACT WITH YOUR FEELINGS

The flow of hormones that circulate through your blood may prevent you from making an objective analysis of the diverse options that you have.

To reestablish your balance you need to distinguish thoughts from feelings. You create your feelings from the thoughts that you have on the diverse situations, or for what you think that those situations really mean. From your early childhood you have created ideas and attitudes towards yourself and towards others, and those ideas and attitudes have transformed into the base of your emotional reactions. If you create feelings and emotions through your thoughts, it is easy to deduce that if you modify your thoughts, your feelings and emotions will also change.

BREAK UP YOUR EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE

If you think that instead of being yourself you spend your time reacting towards the others and your psychic state depends on the approvals, criticism or differences with the other ones, now is the time to break up with that unhealthy dependence, your baby needs you, not to the result of the actions of others.

Are you worried that your parents may not love you if you show yourself just as you are? do you fear that your couple might reject you if you tell him that you disagree with him?, do you perhaps think that the others love the image that you offer of you instead of the person that you truly are?

Acquire self confidence, the people who are important for you will continue loving you and, they will possibly increase their respect toward your feelings and emotions. Think that if you don't recognize and respect what you feel, it is very difficult that the others will do it.

BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU FEEL

Usually, most of us think that we can make another person feel something, or that another person makes us feel something. This is only true when there is physical contact.

Each one of us is responsible for his thoughts, feelings and behaviors. How many times do you say sentences such as “You make me angry", or "he made me feel bad?"? Reflect and change these sentences for the truth: “I am mad", “I feel bad." Only you are able to provoke your own feelings. It is possible that you make another person responsible with the intention of making him change, face it, you won't get it. If you assume the responsibility for your feelings, you will possibly try to change something in yourself and not in the others.

ASSUME FUNCTIONS AND DELEGATE

In a healthy relationship, people take turns assuming functions. If one of the two maintains an excess in functions it is because the other one is not functioning properly. The changes in roles are normal and they should be carried out with mutual consent.

At times, one consents to let that the other one take charge of some aspects that were part of her role until that moment and hence he should not feel guilty or hostile. There will be other circumstances in which the other one will do the same thing.

Throughout these nine months of pregnancy, let and propitiate that your couple takes on more functions, although you have done them up to now. The pregnancy is not an illness, nor does it transform you overnight into a weak and destitute person, but it is a period of your life in which you need more than ever to eliminate the "excess emotional load" unrelated to your present state.

SOLVE ANY PENDING ISSUES WITH YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN

Your son or daughter needs both of you to be emotionally mature and this implies, among other things, to identify how you respond to differences and conflicting situations and to change your perceptions and actions when it is necessary.

Make these changes slowly. Don't seek to change everything starting from today, it has taken you many years to end up being as you are and you cannot change in a few days. At times you will realize that you don't react as you had foreseen, take it as a good occasion to learn from that experience and try that it doesn't happen again in the future.

As we have seen, these reactions that are so important for the affective relationships were forged in the family of origin. Besides identifying and changing the reactions, there is a third definitive step to solve those "pending emotional bills": to calmly speak with the member or members of the family that have been decisive in the formation of those reactions. Explain your feelings with total honesty, without acrimony and with a lot of love, as you would like that the son or daughter that you hold inside talks to you someday